"But I haven't done anything!" I was pulling my husband, Paul, into a conversation about the merit of my life, again. I valued staying at home with our children. I treasured my role as the wife of a man in ministry. I also knew how much I could do outside of the home to remain spiritually, emotionally, and physically balanced. It wasn't much. Every time we had the "my life is a failure" conversation my sweet, earnest husband would lovingly state his case. But since I was the one who put myself on trial I got to be the judge and jury, too. I was convinced that my education, giftings, and calling had been squelched. By the time my children left home I would be too old, too tired, and too rusty to put any of it to use. A life sentence, to be sure.
With each additional blessing of a child (we have five) I mellowed. I resolved to serve wherever I could, however I could, and leave the rest in God's hands. It took years of digging for me to unearth contentment, but get this. I am now riding on acheivement. I know acheivements are a source of pride just like full bellies and belongings. Those aren't the kind of acheivements I am riding on. I am riding on the fact that whatever God had for me to do in the past was completed. Whatever God has for me to do in the future will be accomplished as well. I am not on trial. No, I am a free woman and free women run into the arms of God to then be released...released to acheive His plans His way. Now that's doing something!
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